Coffee Shop Perverts

 Coffee Shop Perverts

 In probably every small town (and big ones too) there sets a “coffee shop”. Now it doesn’t have to be a literal Coffee Shop, it could be a Restaurant, Gas Station, Convenience Store, Donut Shop, or is some rare cases, just a large old shade tree at a cross roads.

At such places you find a daily gathering of wise old men, a few dumb ones and some real kooks. In most of these places you will find waitresses who have seen better days and dollar tips by the handful. Its customer to leave a dollar tip, no matter how little you spend while there. In some places, if your just a member of these groups you leave a dollar even when you buy nothing. It is kind of like extortion. The waitresses lives for that dollar and you don’t want know what she might do to you or your food the next time you come in.

 Each town has its own special groups of these fellas… Some are referred to as the Perverts Club, the Dead Pecker Society, Wise Sages, Lazy Old Fart Crew… etc etc.

Often when these groups form in a combination convenience/store gas station out in the country that has a table or counter, is where you might find the a Pervert Club or Dead Pecker Society.

Despite the pot bellies, wrinkled faces, arthritis and bald heads.. these old boys spend a lot of time acting like they did post puberty.  Now, mind you, they are harmless old creatures… most only act or think like this except in a group drinking coffee in a place where strange women walk in and go out. Once they leave the place. Sex or the idea of it goes right back to sleep in their heads like always.

Whenever a female of any type, shape color, or deformity walks in the door, the sounds emanating from the old boys suddenly comes to a halt. As if they were connected by little wires, all their heads swivel in a straight line to female.

If she is young and beautiful, the ensuing silence fills the room like a thick fog for a minute. If she is wearing revealing clothing, a faint echo of inhalation, gasping, and  wind sucking takes place. For that matter if any woman walks in wearing revealing clothing the same thing happens. A couple of the old men’s face will turn pale as their eyes glaze over and at least one bald headed fellow will turn red like a thermometer, raising till his scalp is scarlet and tiny beads of sweat appear at the very peak of his head.

In most cases what do you think would be going through their minds? Visions of her without her clothing? Lustful thoughts to daring to mention?

Well sorta, but if she is young what you would probably discover if you could listen closely, is days gone by. Drive-ins, lakes in the moon light, old hay lofts or blankets in green meadows. First one then another, will softly and quietly speak of experiences long ago in their youth. The sights, the sounds, the feelings are all laced into what they have to say  while their eyes follow her around the store… Once she has left the conversations will venture to broken hearts, and immense exaggerations of their former prowess. Kind of like old rooster strutting around the pen know they have nothing to offer, but going thru the emotions anyway. Heaven forbid if the female subject smiles or speaks to them, for it would cause a brief moment of lurid smiles and tucking in stomachs.. and shuffling around not unlike a group of school boys be approached by an older woman.

There will always be at least one old fart who will then spoil the whole thing once she has gone with the declaration that the girl was probably the same age as his granddaughter, followed with a round of groans and disgust sweeping the table.

So there is a purpose in these gathers of country old timers.. and least for the ones called perverts or dead peckers… Its to take some wore out, useless, old codger back to his youth for at least the hope of one brief moment a da