Old Lady’s and Perfume

From my earliest days there has been a connection with old women and strong perfume. Even in the days before hardly anyone had perfume, old ladies somehow manage to walk around with a cloud of some sweet smelling aroma. The one that didn’t smelled like moth balls or some other unnatural thing. 

I can remember as small child going to the old country church with old women grabbing me and hugging me and my total inoculation of strong chemical odor. Sister Brooks was the worst. Oh I loved her and she was as sweet as could be, and she had a way of making me feel so special. She seemed so happy to see me, but God Almighty that woman would nearly knock me down with the smell of “Rose Water” and “Cashmere Bouquet” bath powder.  Then there was little Sister Shultz, not 90 pounds soaking wet, yet you could always tell she was there because her perfume would drive thru the crowd like a heard of cows coated in diesel oil. Of course everyone avoided crazy Sister Moore. She was known to have more than few screws loose, but we never could figure out why she reeked so bad of moth balls and  oil of camphor. 

You know, any little boy in those days didn’t take to being hugged too much and we hated the men tussling our heads. But the only sweet smell we could stand was the smell of fresh hay or peach pie. It seemed my Sunday clothes always smelled and I made momma put them out in the barn till the next Sunday. 

Now I am an old man and I loved messing up a little boys hair and teasing him. But for Gawd’s sake I drive my wife nuts about her hugging every kid in sight. And I have threatened her with her life if I can smell her perfume from more than a foot away. 

Why do they so it? The guys at the coffee shop say its because they stink and don’t want anyone to know it. Others say they have lost their sense of smell. But I wonder if there isn’t some secret school for women they all go to that teaches them to gas up the room just to be a pain in the butt and clear everyone’s sinus..